Sunday, January 21, 2007
It's about time, eh? IM 18! *POOF!*
Yellow! It's been ages since my last post! 2 entries in 2006! Sad.
Or maybe I should have just said...
HEY FELLAS!
Anyhow, 2007! It was suppose to be an awesome year but even the most well laid plans can crumble in your hands...Or just break your
heart...Or leave you in the dark...
SO YES!!! My birthday is in JAN...And JAN has come and is nearly gone...SO yes I'm already 18! I've gone to ZOUK and downed a couple of drinks! I've dance the night away at "Mambo Night"! Bliss indeed, my troubles forgotten on that night! So shame on all of you who forgot to wish me on my birthday! Haha! I'm just kidding. =D
That night the sad poor Bowen who returned from Perth died, heck, I attended the funeral! My father and three of my cousins were there! Splendid night out indeed. We buried him in my heart with alcohol and mad dancing! I sweat out his sadness and despair to get rid of it like a lingering fever.
BEFORE WE HIT MY SAD AND QUITE MAD RAMBLINGS...
I never did get to celebrate my birthday! So Red Team and the HEADS! Get ready for an outing organized by yours truly! Expect lots of running around as usual yeah? We'll go to Botanic Gardens! Time and day yet to be confirmed, I will call you all! :D RIGHT! So let my rambling begin...My
heart aches, my mind spins, my soul is quiet, my body still and yet...And yet in my confusion and empty hollowness, there is potential.
Like the numerous and yearly reports from teachers since primary school till now a voice says indeed, Bowen, you have potential...potential untapped is just potential! It must be transformed to heat, sound, light or whatever..So in other words,
BOWEN LOGIC is telling me to do something about myself and my life.
Get a job? Sounds good! I tried at Borders and Kinokunya and Comics Mart! Perhaps, I should set my sights on something else? But what? Bleagh!
So this leaves my love life! Ha! Am I bitter or sour for being single again? No.
As you can probably tell by now, I'm quite sad and
heartbroken.
Why you ask?
Well because someone broke my
heart!
Haha, duhh eh? I couldn't help it.
Well really someone did!
She gave me promise after promise...Which let my guard down...Then she gave me pain, sorrow and worry which were arrows she shot at me from Singapore while I was in Perth...Such skill, such distance, oh such pain I felt.
My whole month there I was torn in two.
In the day I tried to spend time with my family, yet they did not appreciate me. My patience grew there dealing with my family, the greatest thorn in my side, the longest blade in my back, the sharpest arrow in my
heart.
At night I called my beloved, sometimes we were just happy to listen to each others voice, sometimes that wasn't enough or maybe it was always never enough. How my
heart ached, unable to bear the distance and the gulf that it had created.
I tried to build a bridge and she tried to help me too. But just as I crossed the bridge to her side she cut the ends and left me dangling on what remained. She offered me her hand, the abyss or friendship.
Promise after promise she gave, promise after promise she broke and took away. Of course I wanted to be friends but clearly I never stood a chance for all feelings of me had gone from her
heart while a new flame of emotion burned in mine.
So why did I play with fire? Because I didn't know it was, because our relationship had caught fire in a bad way destructive way and *poof!* I'm back in Singapore and on the first day of my return my
heart drops like a heavy stone into a deep well and *poof!* by the end of the night and the next day I'm alone and single again.
*Last
Christmas I gave you my
heart but the very next day you gave it away...*
I don't care that you pretty much blew me to smithereens but why did you promise things you didn't know you could keep? Why say sorry when you plunged a dagger in my back then smile and chop my head off? Sure I don't want bad blood between us...BUT WHY DIDN'T YOU THINK ABOUT IT? Don't say you don't know, because you do know, in your
heart of
hearts, in the back of your mind and in the depth of your soul! You say you didn't want to lead me on some more but why did you do it in the first place. BUT OF ALL THINGS I MUST KNOW THIS! Why were you ever scared of me? I am the most un-scary person in the universe! Seriously! No one thinks of me as anything remotely scary! Never! And they shouldn't! I try to offer a helping hand, a listening ear and a friendly smile, always! I will agree with you that we were always friends and we are still now. Maybe closer then before now I have been laid bare before you. So I can only say this, please don't take me for granted again. I know you won't but the voice of doubt will be there. I gave you my
heart and everything else and that wasn't enough, why were you afraid since I gave it to you before I even gave it to you? All I did was tell you I already gave it to you, not just giving it to you there and then!
My friends and I have a couple of drinks and I tell them what happened at the bus stop...They shake their heads and say, why Bowen? Why did you give yourself so freely? Indeed I did, I know I am of some worth yet I give myself freely since I've been given so much free help. One good turn deserves another. I believe in Fate, Destiny and Karma. I believe in true love. I believe in forgiveness, and I forgave everyone before they did anything because truly there is no point in holding grudges, I may be bias but I never hold grudges, never.
So maybe your reading this and maybe your thinking a few things or just one thing. But know this, I believe we are friends, close friends really and I greatly enjoy your company! I hope you truly regard me as a close friend. I didn't call you BFF for fun you know? I know you promised me that we'll have a friend version of what I've always wanted and I know you'll keep your end of the deal.
But please don't tell me our friendship is not true, because that's all I have these days...Friends. My family has collasped and collasped and collasped. My family fights and fights and fights, to no end, in the day and the night. They scream, shout, hurt, bruise, bite, hit, cry and burn with rage and great anger. They want me to do things and yet not do what their suppose to do. Adults never fully grow up and when they are selfish everyone else suffers!
So all I have left are friends, they come and go. But my closest ones always stay or appear when I need them. So don't ever go, because I know life wouldn't the same without you or my other friends! (Who might be reading this too, you know who you are, thanks for everything!)
So after all I've given, after all I've gone through, dying in Perth without you and dying from the endless terror that is my family you left me alone. Why? Like I needed more grief and suffering! So yes indeed we'll still need to talk...I'll like some
closure. Hahahaha! Oh, please don't be afraid for crying out loud! :D
And just one more thing...
We're still friends because I love you and if I can love you, I can forgive you and If I can forgive you, we can be friends. That's
BOWEN LOGIC, Ladies and Gents, always trying to keep it simple! :D
*It's hard holding you, loving you, losing you. It's sad to be true and being fooled by you! I don't know...Should I stay or should I go?*
Don't worry I stayed, as your friend. LOL.
BFF!
So yeah
BFF, I'll call (or maybe you'll call?) and we'll talk about a dinner! LOL!
This is my longest entry ever! *Pats myself on the back!*
Rock on kiddies! I'm outta here...gonna play RE4. Not having school rocks! :D
Good luck to all A and O level candidates! We did our best so don't worry about it!
Beware world! Bowen is going to strike soon! I'm going to greater heights, I'm going to make 2007 one of the best in my life! I will accomplish things this year!
Oh yeah and if you bothered to read all the way here, I mentiond
heart 13 times, including the one I just mentioned, yes I know I'm crazy and no I don't want to take a
CHILL PILL! =D
x9:01 PM